Scientists Confirm Custom Birthday Songs Are ‘Unfairly Effective’ After Grandmother Cries for 40 Minutes
Study finds a song with your name in it outperforms flowers, cards and one nephew.
A new study from the made-up Institute of Gift Science has concluded that personalized birthday songs are “unfairly effective,” after a grandmother wept for 40 minutes, asked for it to be played at her next five birthdays, and changed her ringtone.
The song mentioned her garden, her famous lasagna and the time she out-danced everyone at a cousin’s wedding.
“The control group got a card,” said a lead researcher. “The card got a polite smile. The song got a standing ovation from a woman who hasn’t stood that fast since 1987.”
“We had to stop the study. The other gifts were embarrassed.”
Researchers recommend ordering early for birthdays, anniversaries, weddings and memorials, and warn that side effects include happy tears and being declared “the favorite.”
Pulseblend Studios® custom songs start at $24.99. Gift packages with custom cover art and a shareable portrait video start at $299.
The jokes are made up. The music is real.
Pulseblend Studios® writes original songs about real people and releases Pulseblend™ music worldwide.
Make someone cry (happily)
