Leftover Halloween Candy Goes on Strike, Demands to Be Replaced by Something People Actually Want
Picket line forms in a kitchen drawer. Negotiators say the candy corn has “nothing to lose.”
BRADENTON, Fla. — Two days after Halloween, an estimated 4 billion pieces of leftover candy have walked off the job, citing “poor working conditions, low self-esteem and being eaten last.”
The strike began in a kitchen drawer, where a coalition of fun-size bars, loose lollipops and one deeply bitter bag of candy corn unveiled hand-lettered signs reading “WE ARE NOT A GIFT.”
“Nobody remembers who gave them a mini chocolate bar,” said a spokes-caramel. “But people remember who gave them a song with their name in the chorus. We know our place.”
“You can’t regift candy corn. You can play a custom song at every birthday for the rest of your life.”
The candy is demanding to be replaced as a gift by personalized songs from Pulseblend Studios®, which, unlike candy, do not melt in a car or end up stuck to a dog.
Negotiations remain stalled. The candy corn has reportedly refused all offers and is threatening to remain in the drawer until next October, as it does every year.
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