Pumpkin Spice Announces Retirement Two Days After Halloween, Commissions Farewell Power Ballad
Peppermint is already in the building. Sources say pumpkin spice “saw the cups change and knew.”
SEATTLE — Pumpkin spice, the flavor that has dominated American autumns since late August, announced its retirement Monday after coffee shops across the country quietly swapped their cups for red ones overnight.
“I gave you everything. Lattes. Candles. Dog shampoo,” pumpkin spice said in an emotional statement. “And on November 2nd, you looked at peppermint like I wasn’t even in the room.”
To mark the occasion, pumpkin spice has commissioned a seven-minute custom power ballad from Pulseblend Studios® titled “You Only Loved Me in the Fall,” featuring a key change, a choir and a spoken-word section about a cinnamon stick.
“Every legend deserves a goodbye song. Most legends don’t also need a candle line.”
Peppermint declined to comment, citing a busy schedule through New Year’s.
Pulseblend Studios® writes farewell songs, retirement songs and seasonal goodbyes for people (and flavors) everywhere.
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